i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You are a genius and a whore.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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