Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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