I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize