Please, let me fuck your mom
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
