Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
