It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I came so hard my ears popped.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize