I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
