i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
