don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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