Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
