You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
