isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
