My hand turned me down
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
