Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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