Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
