my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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