Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my shit smells like andre
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
