I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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