Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
