just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
