i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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