When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
