this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
