I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
