Sponge bath it is.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drake has all the answers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
