dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
