The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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