to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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