I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
