I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
