I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
