I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize