hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
