we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
