Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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