This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
