dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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