well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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