i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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