i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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