the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
