I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
