Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just come out here and I will go home with you...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize