piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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