Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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