she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
