real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
