Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
