i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
