We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
