I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
