just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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