Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
