If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
