o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want a musical about memes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
