JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
