it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
