I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize