i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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