I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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