Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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