Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
