shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
