My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
