how can u be prego again
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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