WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
