well I can't set my house on fire every night
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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