I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
