Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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