my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
