9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
