please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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