I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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