I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
