help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
