Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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