the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
