I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
