dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So. Much. Porn.
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