There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
