i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
