I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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