So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
