I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're not piercing ourselves today.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
