PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
