so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
