Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
