oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
