I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
