swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
