I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
