Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
