Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Randomize
