dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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