I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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