so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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