Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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