Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
