Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
