"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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