How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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