and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
