Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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