I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
