and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize