This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
