Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize