Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
